


Love me like you do

by Just_KrysO



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:37:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3754831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_KrysO/pseuds/Just_KrysO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love is not something that should be taken for granted. But sometimes, when fear gets involved, taken for granted is what we cling to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love me like you do

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story. I am not much of a writer, but this story wouldn't leave me alone. This was only intended to be a one shot, but somewhere, my one shot decided it didn't want to be alone. So therefore, became more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of all of you amazing authors out there, I was able to just throw this together.
> 
> I have all of you to thank for this. You all have taught me to write through your words. 
> 
> Your stories truly make a difference.
> 
> So thank you to all of you writers out there, because if it wasn't for you, I never would have wrote this story.
> 
> You all are truly my inspiration.

You wanted to be tied down, taken. Played with, teased, brought to the edge only to be denied for hours, til the pleasure turns painful and you are begging, pleading for release, as tears are welling in your eyes, and rolling down your face. She tells you no, not to tonight.

She tells you that she wants to make love to you, cherish you, give to you, and take care of you.

Laying you down on the bed gently, she sits astride your abdomen. Slowly, so painstakingly slow, she undoes on button at a time. When she finally reaches that last button, she lightly pushes the shirt aside so that it falls on your sides. You see her admiring your body, and something more that you don't fully understand.

Her eyes meet yours. You see love, adoration, faith, and devotion in her eyes. You let yourself get so lost in crystal clear blue eyes and facial expressions, that you don't even realize that she had said something.

When her words bring you back to reality, you notice all of your clothes have been removed along with hers. She says "You are Beautiful." You want to scoff, to tell her otherwise, but before you can respond, her hand is on your heart.

"I know that you don't feel beautiful. You believe that your heart is black, and think that you are heartless. But that is not the truth. You have a heart, and I have seen it every day. Its in the way you look at others, the way you talk, its in the littles things you do, the big things you do, and the way you present yourself. You fought everyday to stray from the darkness that was just inches from your grasp. To hold to the person that you were and always will be. But darkness was your only solitude, your only sanity from insanity. You are the dark queen formed from good. I know you fight every day to keep from the darkness that lurks inside of you like like a lover curled around you holding tight afraid to let go. You are the strongest, decent, vulnerable, wonderful, giving, and loving person I know. I love you more than I can tell or show you, but I will do my best for the rest of our lives.

I love you."

When she finishes, you have tears welling in your eyes. You don't know how to respond, or act, but you don't have to, because she knows.

She leans forward and lets her lips touch yours, so softly, they feel like the wind giving a chaste kiss. You reach up and fist your hands in her hair to deepen the kiss. She puts her hands on yours to gently pull them away and shakes her head no.

She increases the pressure of her lips to yours, but very little. She keeps intimacy light, not allowing it intensify. She maneuvers her body so her bottom half in resting in between your legs and her top half is laying atop you upper half, giving comfort and safety.

She aligns her center with yours and moves so, so very slowly. You can't take anymore of the slowness and move your hands down to her hips to get her to move faster. Again she gently pulls your hands away from her hips and shakes her head no.

Its all so soft, slow, and loving. You don't know how to deal with these new feeling beginning in your chest and radiating your body. Your only response is to whisper her name. Her only response is "I know."

Laying her head down on your shoulder, turning slightly to give you a sweet, soft kiss on your neck. Whispering loving words, and beautiful meanings.

Her words bring you higher and higher. So high, it hits you suddenly. You wonder how it was possible. You are not left with enough time to ponder, because she rocks her hips one final time. That last swipe of clit hitting clit. Your muscles tighten, back slightly arched, head barely thrown back. You whisper her name as you have the most intense orgasm ever. Her hips slowly stop rocking as you both come down from the high.

lifting her head up, she give you a loving, passionate, powerful kiss.

Only to release, and move down your body, placing her head on your chest just over your heart, allowing herself the soothing comfort of heart beat.

And she smiles. She smiles because you finally understand.


	2. The heart given, has been handled without care.

It has been two weeks since that amazing night with her. The devotion, love, and understanding she presented to you was so amazing. You don't know how, but you have fallen in love with her even more. You look at the clock in your office, and you notice, you only have three hours left here, until you can leave and be with her for the rest of the night. It makes your heart flutter, and those butterflies, oh those butterflies that you have missed but never forgotten, fluttering wildly in your stomach. It has been years since you have felt anything akin to these feeling, and it only makes you smile wider, harder, brighter.

You hear the word "Sheriff" spoken outside your door. You weren't expecting her to come by today, but you are extremely excited that she is here, oh, because how you have missed her so. The door opens, you hear her start to walk in and your heart beats so fast. Like a child meeting their new sibling for the first time. So, so scary, but extremely exciting. You haven't looked up from your paperwork yet, you don't want her to know how much you have fully missed her. Honestly, there's no point in hiding it, because she knows. She always knows with you.

You hear her walk up to your desk, when you believe she is but a few feet away, you look up. That smile that has been ever present on you face dies when you look up to her. She is mad. Seething mad. You start to get up from your seat to go to her. Ask her what is wrong, to give comfort the best you know how. Before you can rise an inch, she slams something down on your desk. "Care to explain this!?" You are too afraid to look down, but you just can't keep looking at her. It hurts to much. So you risk it. You risk a chance at what she has presented to you.

You are in shock at what you see. How did she find it? Where did she find? How did it get into her hands? The pregnancy test you thought you had so carefully deposed of, was on your desk. You get up, rush to her, try to explain, but you are pushed away. Hard. "Are you going to fucking answer me or feign ignorance. Don't you dare, try lying to me, because I'll know!" You are in shock, scared. She has never been so brutal with you, or has she ever laid a hand on you.

You want to tell. To answer her. Oh, how bad do you want to tell her. You were going to tonight and deal with the repercussions later. She told you long ago that she never wanted to have another child. The fear of what she might do when you tell her while she is this angry, makes you afraid. Afraid for your child as well as yourself. So you do what you think is best. You transport. You think of safety, comfort, and protection, so you transport home. It was the first place that came to your mind. You barley have time to see through the remnants of the smoke. For there was little time. She is there.

She forcefully pushes you against the wall of your study. You start to ask yourself how, when you know. She knows you so well. How could you have forgotten? You were to afraid to think that you just acted. You didn't believe she would follow immediately, you knew the possibility, but you never thought this would be the outcome. Pinned to the wall against your will.

She uses her body to keep you in place, while her hands, very painfully grab yours, and force them above your head. You try your hardest to escape from her hold, but she is much stronger and bigger than you. The more you try to free yourself from her grasp, the tighter her hands squeeze around your wrists. In the most vulnerable voice you have ever heard yourself speak, you say " you are scaring me." And she laughs. She laughs in the coldest, most malice, emotional void voice you never thought would come from her mouth. "Good. Now maybe, I can get some answers from you."

You keep your head down. As if you are sub-missing. This is not you, you are never fully submissive. And you have never had to be this way with her. She never asked for submission from you. Only when you were willing to give it, was she willing to accept it. Because she knew exactly what you were offering, saying, giving. Trust and faith in her hands. She cherished it. Cherished it like they day you gave your heart to her. But this is not her. These thoughts are what cause you to look up. To chance a glance in her eyes. Or was it something more. Something compelling.

Her eyes are the coldest, darkest, blackest you have ever seen. Those once beautiful green eyes that always look at you with love, devotion, and understanding are no longer there. She has this emotionless, demonic, wicked, unnerving smile upon her face. "I am going to ask you this once and only once, who is the father of this baby? Again, do not lie to me." She says to in the coldest, distant tone.

You don't want to answer, you want to lie, but the trepidation of what she might do terrifies you more. In lowest of voices, that not even the wind could carry, no matter how hard it would try, you answer "yours." How she heard you, is beyond you. But she heard. You see Her face fall, go still. The unnerving smile wiped, left with reality of the situation, because she knows. She knows you speak the truth.

She falters, releases you, and backs away, leaving two arm lengths of space between the two of you. The reality of her actions sink in, her eyes go back to green. she moves to take a few tentative steps, to reach out to you. To try to comfort you. You finally see the woman you love, the threat of her no longer lurking in those eyes, but most of all the begging, pleading look of forgiveness.

That doesn't stop you from circling your arms around your stomach in a protective position and flinching away. She see's this. She see's you flinch and try to get even closer to the wall. She see's what her actions have done to you. You see the pain in her eyes. The pain that she has caused you, the hurt she had done to you, her misguided anger has effected you. She so baldly wants to reach out, to touch you, hold you, whisper comforting words and unlimited apologies in to your ear. She doesn't. She opens and closes her fists in uncertainty a few times before she relents and backs away.

Her eyes have yet to leave yours. You want to look away, but her intense gaze keep your eyes locked to hers. Everything she wants to say, but doesn't know how is reflected in her eyes. Someone who has messed up gravely. Someone who made you believe you had to hid your child away for fear that the happiness it would bring, will be taken from you. Someone you have become fearful of. Another person who has gained your trust, only to demolish it. Someone you gave your heart to, because they lead you to believe they would handle it with care, was just another person to crush it to dust. Someone that only wanted be everything you need, everything you want, your own personal protector has become one of them. Snow White, Cora, Rumpelstiltskin. Because of them, everything you loved and held dear had been killed, ripped away, or remolded to fit their own agenda. Just another person in your life who has hurt you in the most damaging of ways.

She reaches her hand out for you again, only this time, she does not move. She just reaches. You stare at her hand. You want to take it so badly, oh, how badly you want to take it. To relish in the comfort she gives you just by being near her. But the actions, words that have lead up to this are instilled into your brain, like a loss of loved one, always there but never forgotten. Five minutes goes by with you just staring, contemplating, yet she hasn't relented, made any indication of moving. She is giving you the time and space you need, but so badly she wants you to know she is there for you, willing to do anything for forgiveness. You want to give it to her, after so many times she has forgiven you, but, this time. This time is different. You wait a few extra more minutes, allowing your heart to settle, only this time its not from happiness, but from fear. The fear of her.

Finally, you make that gut-wrenching decision and put your hand in hers. Allowing your hand to rest softly atop hers. You let yourself falsely believe that by resting your hand atop hers, that you if you fell the need, you can pull away anytime. She doesn't wrap her finger around yours and try to pull you close. She lets you come to her in you own time, way and comfort. It breaks your heart just a crack more.

Eventually you make your way to her, one timid step at a time, not once taking your hand out of hers. You stop when you are nearly shoe to shoe. She brings her other arm up, but makes sure to keep it in your view. The hand holding yours levels with her other arm. Slowly. So very, very slowly she starts to wrap them around you, and it causes your pain to intensify. Because she knows that a lot of your trust, comfort, and safety for her has been destroyed by her actions. She does not wish to over step her bounds to make you feel trapped or forced.

A barrier of trust that was once formed, has now been remolded and created into a wall. A wall that now stands between you and her. because now, now you are unsure if can ever actually trust her in this moment or ever again. She eventually gets her arms around you, not fully, but enough to now they are there. You feel her want to strengthen, tighten and enforce the hug, but she knows. She knows she can't and has only herself to blame. You allow yourself to lean in, press your body to hers. You just want to pretend. Pretend for just a few seconds that none of this ever happened and that you still feel complete safety, protection, and comfort from her, even though your heart and mind are yelling at you.

One screaming take the leap, and try again, the other reminding you the reality of the situation, and logical sense. Despite your rationality, you don't let go, back away, you just hold tight. You hear her release a great full sigh, and feel her arms tighten around you. You both stay like that for what feels like hours, but really just merely a few seconds.

You feel her push you back. Back towards the wall. Your head was right. This was a trap. You feel your chest tighten, your muscles starting to become stiff when your back hits the wall. Your breathes become shallow, you can feel the stirrings of your magic go into defensive mode. You are just mere seconds from transporting when you feel something tugging at your shirt. When your breathing comes back to normal and the fear dissipates, you finally notice the pressure of her body against yours is gone. You look down to see she is now kneeling at your feet and has removed your shirt that was tucked into your pants.

You see her hands go to the buttons on your shirt. She has already unbuttoned two buttons when the realization of what you believe is about to transpire, you act fast. You start to bring your hands up to remove hers from your shirt, but before you can get halfway she has stopped. You notice she has only undone about four. Just enough to reveal your stomach.

You are frozen in your spot. Terrified that if you try to push her away or fight she might do something to your child. So you stand and watch. Waiting for the last possible second to react. She gently grabs the sides of your shirt and moves them away. You wait. Its not time yet. She puts a hand on each side of your stomach and slides them up, but stops at your last rib. Just a few more seconds and... Just when you are about to act, she does something you did not expect. She leans in. "Hello beautiful or handsome. I am not sure if you are going to be a little boy or little girl, but if I remember correctly from biology, you will most likely be a girl. But if you are a boy I will love you just the same. This is your mama. Do you know that. Probably not fully yet, since this is the first time I am talking to you. But I hope that you have still heard my voice in these past few weeks. Except for when I say bad words. You didn't listen to mama say bad words did you? No, of course not." She smiles. "Do you know how lucky you are to have this wonderful woman as your mommy? I just want to let you know, that your mommy and I might not be together when you come to meet us. See, I did something very, very bad to your mommy. Something that I will regret for years to come. I don't know how I will ever make it up to her or if I will ever get the chance to. I made a promise to her. A promise I broke, that should not under any circumstances have been broken. A promise that I would do my best to tell her and show her how much I love her everyday. I didn't do that today. I hurt her. I hurt her baddly. I have become just like all the people in her life, that I did not want to be. Just like all the others in her life who has hurt her, let her down. I have become someone that she is unsure if she can trust." Her voice falters and she clears her throat.

"Something you will learn, is i know your mommy very well, and if you are anything like her, then I will probably know you just as well, too.

I have made her fearful, so fearful that she felt she could not tell me about you. You have become another color of happiness for your mommy and she thought that I would somehow take it away. Her fear was my own fault. See, I told your mommy a long time ago that I never wanted anymore kids. I never fully explained myself. For this was late at night when it just came out right before I fell asleep. Your mommy and I never talked about it again since then. Honesty though, as much as she wanted more kids, I mean a lot of kids. I am surprised she has kept me as long as she has knowing what I have told her. I told your mommy this when we were first dating.

I told her I didn't want anymore kids, but I never told her why. Part of me wants to believe she already knew, but how could she when I was never clear about it. I had a child when I was but a child myself. I didn't have actually parents. like you will have, when I was growing up. That is a story I will tell you when you are older. I got pregnant with your older brother Henry, whom you will meet, when you decided to greet us with your presence. While I was pregnant with him, something bad happened to me. I was left alone. I was young, pregnant and alone. I never wanted to feel or allow anything like that to ever happen to me again. I was afraid that if I decided to have more kids that history would repeat itself. That I would be left alone, again. Though I am older, the thought still scares me.

What I didn't know at the time we were just dating, was that I would fall completely head over heals in love with your mommy. I should have told her months ago that I wanted more kids. I should have told her right after I told her I loved her. That what I said about not wanting kids was a mistake that I was just scared. But I didn't, I let the small spec of residual fear take homage.

I would give anything to turn back the hands of time and re-approach the situation differently. To let her know how blissfully happy and excited I am that we are to have another child together. Oh, kid, I can't wait to see you, meet you, hold you, play with you, and do everything that I was not privileged with your older brother. I would love so much to grow our family more with your mommy. Oh, would I ever.

Remember when I told you that your mommy wanted lots and lots of kids.

Like a really huge family. I wasn't kidding, why, if your mommy gets it her way you would have any where from eight to ten siblings, by time you were sixteen. Nine or eleven, counting your older brother, which I guess we will." She has her goofy smile that you love so much on her face and call your favorite.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with your mommy raising you and your siblings. But I don't know if that will ever happen after what I did today.

To be honest with you kiddo or kiddlet, when I found that pregnancy test, I knew immediately whom's it was. I also knew in my gut that if the test was your mommies, that could only have meant that I was going to be your mama.

When I hurt your mommy today, I acted out of fear, hurt, and anger. Hurt that she didn't tell me. Angry, wondering how long she was going to keep your hidden from me. Fear, that if you were conceived by the two us, meant that, your mommy and I are true loves.

I didn't want to be your mommies true love. I just wanted to love her. If I was to be your mommies true love, it meant to me that I was fated to love her. I felt like I was just another character in a book, whom's story was already written. I didn't want to feel like I was fated to love your mom, but chose to love her. So I took my anger and fear out on your mom instead of just taking to your mommy about what I found, I attacked her. I attacked her because the idea that she cheated on me seemed much more comforting at the time, then realizing she was my true love.

Now, now I see now that I was wrong. That being your mommies true love is not something to fear, but something to cherish, relish, hold on to, like a mom holding her child for the first time. And now. Now I don't know if I will ever have that chance again."

She started to choke on her words and she tried her hardest to swallow back a sob.

"I may have caused so much damage that I might loose her forever. And I don't want to lose her. Please. Please. I don't want to lose her."

She couldn't hold it back anymore. All the pain and sorrow she caused. The fear. The deceit. The hurt. Finally came crashing down. And she cried. She buried her face into your stomach, wrapped her arms around your waist, and cried.


	3. Tell me, My dear, Does the heart still beat once its been broken.

She cries at your feet. You can feel her hot tears roll down your stomach. You don't know what to do. How to comfort her. She has always been the strong one. She always knew what to say, what to do, to comfort or lift your spirits. This is new territory. Do you touch her or just watch and let her cry? Do you pull her into a hug or just leave her be? The not knowing hurts. Like a spec of light in the dark.

She has always been strong. You have never seen her accept defeat, to show weakness, to be weak in front of you. Now, here you are, only wishing, that once, just once she did. Because if she had, you would know what to do, to help her.

You know she feels regret, despair, anguish for herself. For what she has done. Is this it? Is this how it ends? No, you don't want to believe it. You won't allow it.

You bring your hands down to wrap around her arms and give a gentle tug. Allowing her the same courtesy, she gave you not to long ago. You don't want to force her if she is not ready, not willing, unsure.

It slightly unnerves you the love you are still willing to give after every thing she has done. But you know, you know that if the situation was reversed she would do the same. Because despite everything you still love her. You know how fear can affect someone, how it can turn you into someone unrecognizable, how it can turn you against yourself.

So, you tug. You tug on her arms one last time. Yet she doesn't make to move. You feel as if you have your answer. Just as you are to remove your hands from her, she stands up and wraps her arms so tightly around you, squeezing the air from your lungs. Like a long, lost, lone survivor, to afraid to let go of that last shred of humanity, sanity, for fear of what losing them could do to you.

She sobs into your neck. The pressure of her hug never relenting. You wrap your arms around her. Sensing that this is the best action to do for her. Rubbing, soft, soothing, circles on her back. Whispering shh's and comforting words. Not wanting to give her false reality. Not wanting to tell her it will be ok, when it very well might not be. Especially in the state she is now. The fear that you could damage her worse keeps these words at bay.

After, what you swear is an eternity, the sobs become restless, turning into whimpers. She lifts her head up and looks in to your eyes. For the first time since you have known her she lets you see everything. All of her. Her pain, hurt, anger, anguish, trepidation, trust issues, happiness and just, her. A long lost girl, who has finally found a family, a home, with you.

Her lips slam against yours in an intensity that slightly scares you. Her tongue forces its way into your mouth. Without waiting. Without asking for permission. Her lips taste like anger and her tongue of hatred. There is no softness, compassion, its heated, hard, fast.

She transports both of you to the bedroom, to the bed. You notice that you are on your back and she is on top of you. Pinning you down with her weight and holding your hands above your head. She stares at you with an intensity in her eyes that does scare you. Eyes that you no longer recognize. "Do not move your hands, understood?" Struck with fear, your only response is to nod your head in understanding.

Her lips make their way back to yours, hard. Her teeth nip at you lips, making you bleed. She smiles. You want to makes this stop. This is not who you two are. Not anymore. Not for a long time. But the uncertainty of what that decision could do, keeps you in your spot, your voice silent. Could it make the situation worse, her worse or could it stop things from ever getting better. So you wait things out. Promising yourself, promising you will stop this if things get too out of control.

Her lips move from your mouth making their way to your neck. Leaving barley there kisses. You notice the lightness, the tenderness. You allow your body to relax. That was a mistake. The second she feels you relax, she sinks her teeth into your neck, drawing blood. You scream out in pain. She chuckles.

She laps up your blood with her tongue, followed by a "mm" sound. The pain from her bite keeps you distracted. Distracted enough that you don't notice fully that she is tearing your clothes off. By time you realize, its to late. You are laying bare before her. Scraps and pieces of your clothes strewn across the room. She snaps her fingers and her clothes are gone.

She leans forward. Hands on either side your head. You feel one of her legs settle between yours. Her thigh pressed strongly against your center.

Her face inches from yours. Malice, close to vengeance in her voice. "You lied to me, hid my child from me. When were you ever going to tell me?" She doesn't give you time to answer before her knee collides with your center, forcefully, painfully.

She's angry, infuriated. Her rage is blinding her. No longer her movements painful, but still forceful. "Where you even going to tell me, or where you going to push me aside and start a new family of your own without me? Is that what you thought would happen? That I would just stand by while you raised another one of children without me?"

The truth of her anger comes forward. Her fear of being unwanted, used, just another temporary in someones life, comes clear. Her fear has become anger, aggression, that she once again, she takes out on you.

For the first time all night, you cry. You finally cry. Its to much. You just wanted her to be happy for the both of you. Yet she seems more angry than excited. More afraid than elated. With as much strength as you can muster, through tearful eyes, and a quiet but sobbed ladened voice you answer, "No."

Her movements stop immediately. Her eyes returning to the green that you have so missed starring into for seconds, minutes, hours, days on end.

She looks devastated. She knows she has hurt you again. This time, she might not be able to fix it. This time might actually be the last time. The last time that she can look upon you, hold you, lay next to you, make love to you, kiss you, and just love you, the way you should be loved. Deserve to be loved.

She leans forward. Bringing her lips to your cheek, softly, kissing aways the tears. Your quiet sobs become light shudders. She moves her lips from your cheeks to your lips. The softness of her kiss has become missed, rare. Like the blooming of a Puya raimondii. What used to be familiar has now become foreign.

Your hands move from where they are laying above your head to her shoulders. Slowly, you slide them down her back to rest at her hips.

The slow, sweet, soft kiss turns heated, intensifying. You dig your nails into her back, slowly dragging them up, making her break the kiss to scream out in pain.

What should have been love making has turned in to anger, aggression, hated, fear, and most of all, emptiness. Reverting back to the beginning, back to what you two used to be.

Your actions become more and more hostile towards each other. Fighting for dominance, for power. But somewhere, not sure where or when, everything becomes gentle, warm. Deep down inside of you, you knew. You knew that what you two used to be to each other, are no longer them.

She pushes herself up, a hand on either side of your head, and she stares. She stares, deeply, intensely, fully into your eyes. They are so soft, so warm, so inviting, so enchanting. You can't remember the last time you have seen her eyes so green. Her eyes are th portal to her soul, to what she is thinking, to what she is feeling, to what she can't say, but wishes she could. Now, here she is, laying herself bare before you. Her body, heart, and soul. Giving you the choice to continue or end it.

Every nerve, fiber, muscle in your body is vibrating. Wanting to push her off you, throw her out of the bed, out of the house. To end what shed of this relationship is left. But you don't. You forgo those feelings, thoughts. Because you know. You know that she is just as lost, just as scared, just as hurt like you once were. But not alone. No, never alone. Because you are here. Here for her no matter what has happened or will happen. Because you know what its like to be alone, to feel alone.

Your eyes glance down to her lips and you notice the sad smile that has formed. You want to see what she is thinking, what she is feeling. To see what has caused this sad smile to cross those beautiful lips. Before your eyes have a chance to meet hers, she leans down to kiss you. So softly, almost barely there, like a kiss in the wind. You know its there, but the realness is ever fading.

You barley move your hands when you feel her weight shift, removing her body from yours. You don't have time to think, just act. Your hands grip her shoulders tightly and force her body as close to yours as possible. Your head nestled into her neck. Tears roll down your face as you shake your head back and forth. Words coming out in choked sobs. "Please, please don't leave. We will figure this out. I know we will. It may not be tonight. Please, please don't leave me. I love you."

You hold on to her for dear life. Like a knight gripping to their sword, as if only a soft breath could knock it from their hand. You start to feel her move, to push herself up off you. You don't want to let go, to watch her leave. But you won't force her to stay.

You let your arms drop and close your eyes, because you can't watch her leave. You lay there fighting back the tears and sobs as best to your ability until she leaves. You want her to stay, buy you want her to stay because she wants to, not out of pity, sadness or guilt for you. So, you wait.

It takes you a minute to realize that she is still there. She hasn't left. You chance a glance, hoping your mind is not playing tricks on you. When you open your eyes, you see bright, beautiful, green ones staring back at you. Lips that host a gorgeous, soft smile that whispers, " I love you too, baby. I don't want to leave. I want to stay, right here, with you for the rest of my life."

As you feel the weight of her hand on your right side leave you, you can't help but look and watch her hand. She brings it up slowly, almost like she did before in the study. Like she wants you to where it is at all times. If you are to be truthful with yourself, you are actually glad she does.

She brings her hand closer to your head. Part of you wants to flinch and the other part wants to lay still and see what her actions will be. You decide on plan B and wait. You are glad you did.

She runs her fingers through your hair. A simple gesture you thought you might never feel again. You let your eyes slowly close. Relishing in the feeling. The feeling of the missed comfort. The missed warmth. The missed connection.

You feel a light pressure on your lips, and your body knows its her. But your mind, oh, your mind, believes otherwise. You know she is there, that she hasn't left. But the fear of the possibly while your eyes are closed has your mind wavering. You want to open your eyes and look. To see her, but you don't. Not yet. You want to live in this moment. In this fake reality you believe to be true. When you finally open your eyes, you see hers,beautiful and green ones starring back.

She told you she would never leave you. That she loves you. Yet you are the one whom she has mistreated, and here you are. Afraid of losing her. Why? You know why. She makes you whole. She fills the cracks in your heart. She keeps you grounded. Most of all she makes you happy. Happier than you could believe. You finally have a family you can call home.

You feel her lips leave yours and her forehead rest atop yours. Whispered breathes on your lips from her voice. You listen. "I am so, so sorry baby. I love you so much. The way I treated you today. There is no amount of ways I could do to earn your forgiveness. But I will try. I will work so hard everyday for the rest of my life, if that is what it takes. I don't want to leave.I don't want to lose you. I want to stay her with you. I want to watch our child grow in your belly. I want to be woken up at 3 in the morning because you have a craving. I want to hold your hair should you have morning sickness. I want to rub your feet after a long day at work. I want you to yell at me for no reason at all and cry on my should the next second, because of the hormones. I want to tell you how beautiful you look everyday as our baby grows, even when you might not feel or believe it. I want you to squeeze my hands until my fingers nearly break as you deliver our child. I want to be woken up every night you are to tired to tend to our child so you can get some more sleep. I want a home, family, happiness, with you."

Her eyes start watering with tears, as you watch one roll down her cheek and land on yours. You bring your hand up to wipe away the tears and allow her a moment to compose herself.

"I want to make love to like I should have the first night we were together, instead of hate-filled, emotionless sex. I was so in love with you, so madly, deeply in love with you. The worst part was I didn't even know it. You were just my sons other mother, who in turned then became the dark queen. We started out at having secret rendezvouses. Meeting anywhere no one would be. Taking out our anger, hatred, emptiness, loneliness on each other. It was all about dominance, power. Now. Now its something different. We are different, better. As time when on, I started to like you more than I should have. I slowly got to see more of who you are, and less of who you were.

We just jumped right into a relationship. I was so happy. Am happy. I thought I was going to slowly fall in love with you, but instead, I was hit with my love for you so hard. Like an immovable force. I either had to step out of the way and let my feelings go with it. Or fallow behind it and let my feeling lead me to you. I chose you. I chose to not run. To stay put. To allow myself to feel happiness I have never truly felt. Instead of letting my fear push me away from you, I used it to help guide me to you.

I so wish everyday that our first time was more special then what it was. I wish that instead of just having sex with you, I made love to you. I made you feel how special, how amazing, and how truly beautiful you really are. I know we have both had other lovers before, but a first time together should be something special, something beautiful, something meaningful, something to be cherished. I never gave that to. I was just like everyone else. I took what I wanted. I regret that decision everyday, especially now. Now, that I have got to see the real you. The you with this amazingly huge heart that just loves with everything it has.

So I ask, can I make love to you tonight? Can I show you how much I truly love you Can I show you how truly precisions you are to me? My baby, my heart, my true love, my...Regina."

If you believe that you have never cried harder in your life than tonight, then you would have been seriously fooled. Because right now, in this moment, you are crying harder than you ever thought possible. The tears are coming from your eyes like a shaken tree after a rainstorm. Always falling, but never truly relenting.

Words have always been your best friend. Always know what to say at just the right time, how to use them. But not now. Not in this moment. They have left you. Left you alone to fight your way out of silence. No matter how hard you try, your words still evade you. So, you use the next best thing. You nod you head as best you can. You so badly want to say "yes." But your voice has died and been replace with simple gestures.

She feels your head nod and brings her lips back to yours as her other had threads its fingers through your hair.

Her kisses are soft. real. tentative. Like a teenager receiving their first kiss. She keeps things light. Part of you wants to deepen the kiss, but you don't. You let her take the lead. Allow her the chance to hold to her word.

Her tongue softly, lightly swipes across your lips asking for permission to enter. You grant it. You move your tongue to meet hers, but she uses hers to push it back into your mouth. She wants to taste you. All of you. Part of you wants to intensify the kiss more, but you don't. You let her set the pace.

Her right hand leaves your hair and slides down your cheek, your neck, your chest to rest atop your heart.

Her lips soon follow suite. Leaving light kisses on your cheek. Turning to light pecks and nips as they make their way to your neck until she finds that spot. Oh, that spot. If should couldn't feel your heart pounding out of your chest in to her hand, then she will definitely feel it in her mouth, on her tongue.

She sucks lightly at your pulse point. Enough to send a little jolt of arousal to your core. Her lips move again across your neck to the other side. Repeating the same ministrations as she did on your right.

You feel her move her hand from your heart to your breast as her fingers make their way to your nipple. Firmly rubbing it back and forth between thumb and forefinger.

You feel a moan starting in your chest, move up your throat, past your tongue and glide out of your mouth.

As your back starts to arch, you feel her other hand move from where its tangled in your hair to rest just under your sternum. Using just enough strength she needs to push you back down on the bed, but not enough to keep you in place.

Her lips leave your neck, only to be replace by her tongue as she slowly drags it down. Stopping just before she reaches your nipple. Swirling her tongue around your aureole. One, two, three times.

She lets the hot, wet, muscle glide across your nipple, just ever so lightly. Repeatedly. You feel her hot breath on your nipple as she brings her lips down to wrap around your hardening, yet sensitive bud.

Oh, the sensations she is sending through your body. How the simple actions reflect her feelings. The love she has for you. The care she is giving to you. The slow, yet loving caresses.

Her touches are causing your body to tighten up. To fist your hands in to the sheets.

Her right hand releases you sensitive bud to only be replaced by her mouth. Repeating the same motions as she did on the left one.

Everything feels the same but different. Her touches seem more careful, extremely soft, and so much more full of love. She has never been rough with you in, except for when you wanted her to be. Even then she still was unsure. She did it anyway, because she loves you and wanted to please you, but her actions, touches were never as rough as you wanted.

She never wanted to be the one to cause you harm, pain, even if for pleasure. She loves you to much to ever be that person. Even when the two of you were meeting up just to have sex, she was rough, but still had an underlying softness.

You need her close. To help guide you through these feelings. You release the sheets and your hands come up to rest on her arms. You let them glide over her skin, up her arms, over her shoulders and up her neck to cup her chin.

You give a slight tug, to let her know you want her attention. When she stops her ministrations, and looks up, you tug some more and she understands.

Letting herself slowly be pulled up, you lift your head up to meet her lips. Her hand reaches up to thread through your hair. You can feel how she wants to deepen the kiss, but she doesn't. She keeps it soft.

She lifts her lips barely an inch and brings her other hand to her mouth. You watch as she licks her finger. Watching as is slides down the wet, hot muscle, completely soaking her finger. Watching as she moves it between your bodies, until you can no longer see it ,but feel it. Feel it in the dip your neck. Feel as she starts to move it down.

The wet, hot liquid moving down between the valley of your breasts, leaving a trail of wetness as if it was made by her own tongue. Further, moving further down, hitting the dip of your bellybutton as she swirls the remaining liquid on her finger from her mouth on your navel.

A moan slips past your lips and into her mouth. She swallows it with pride. Pride that she can still cause you to make these sounds.

Your legs and stomach muscles tighten as your hips rise of the bed. Oh, what these actions do to you. To your body. How well she knows you. Your most sensitive spots.

Her finger leaves you navel continuing further down and stops once it hits the soft patch of hair covering you center.

She moves her lips to your ear and whispers, "I am sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I should be making love to you, not trying to make things heated. Its just that my tongue can't be in two places at once, and I know what messing with your navel does to you. Again, I am sorry, but I just couldn't resist."

As she lifts her head, you seen an apologetic, yet proud smile on her face.

Her finger takes to moving again as it reaches your center, but soon one becomes two as they glide through your folds. Straying from your bundle of nerves and never nearing your entrance, but coming close to.

Resting her fingers on both sides of your entrance, she slides them back up. Continually she repeats this process, but with each swipe downwards, her fingers come closer and closer to your entrance.

Finally after minutes of agonizing toucher, she brings the tip of her finger to your entrance and stops. Resting her forehead against yours, she whispers words on your lips. "May I have your permission to make love to you, my love? To show you how much I love you. To give you all the love I have for you in my heart, body and soul."

The word you are looking for is "yes," but instead you settle for a simple gesture. Raising your head up to meet her lips. Once your lips meet, she slides her finger in, slowing. So agonizingly slow. But how amazing it feels. To be made love to like this.

After a few slow thrusts of her finger, your hips start to rock. Unsure if your are trying to increase the pressure, make her go faster, or if you are starting to lose control.

She removes her lips from yours. " Please, please baby stop rocking your hips. Please. I want this to be amazing for your, not fast. Please let me do everything. I don't want to force you or make you feel like you have to. I just want to give to you. Everything. To you."

Your mind is going fuzzy from her her words and ministrations. You are helpless to say anything, but nod your understanding. Slowly, you gain control of your hips, willing to stop your rocking as best to your ability.

She brings her lips back to yours as almost saying "thank you." You two stay like this for what fells like hours. Her forehead against yours, her lips to yours, her finger thrusting slowly into you. Always hitting that amazing, core clenching, drenching spot. Hard enough for you to feel it, but enough to bring you over the edge.

You loop your arms through hers and grab on to her shoulders. Pulling her as close to you as you can, while still allowing her room to make love to you.

Your body is on fire. Your mind is screaming. Screaming for more. You must have said it out loud, because you hear her say, "I know you do, but not this time. This time, I want it to be special. I want it to be as if it were your first time. I want it to be what it should have been when I found out your were pregnant. I want to give you the most amazing, earth-shattering, mid-blowing orgasm you have ever had."

With that her lips attach to yours. This time with more affection, more passion. You hold tight to her, wishing to stay like this, in this moment, forever.

You both are drenched in sweat. The heat bouncing from one body to the other. Like a spec of sunlight peer through after rainstorm and creating that beautiful rainbow you hope you can catch a glimpse of.

Usually by now, the kisses would have become sloppy, messy. But she has somehow managed to keep them light, sweet, soft. Managed to not break the kiss once, for air.

Before the thought can leave your mind, you feel your center start to clench around her finger. Your climax is nearing.

That is when she peels her lips from yours and next to your ear. "Baby, please open your eyes for me. I know it will be hard, but I want to see you. If this is to be our last time together. I want to look into your eyes as you orgasm, climax, fall over the edge. I want to remember the look in your eyes. The expressions on your face. So, please, please open your eyes for me."

You know this will be hard, but you do it for her. Because she is right. You don't know what will happen after tonight. You don't know if it will work out, or be you last night together. So with all of your will power you open your eyes. You open them to stare into beautiful green eyes that are shinning with so much softness, admiration, love. But there is also an underlining look of sadness in them. This look makes you want to close your eyes again. But you fight it. You fight it for her.

She thrusts. She thrusts a few more times adding just a bit of pressure each time, sending you over the edge and giving you the most exquisite, powerful, climax you have had yet, as you scream her name into her mouth. She swallows it. She swallows it into her mouth and up to the memory section of her mind to hold onto forever.

The whole time keeping your eyes open.

As she slows her finger, her thrusts, to bring you down from your high. Giving you time to catch your breathe, you feel her wrap her arms around you, holding tight and roll.

Roll onto her back and pull you on top of her. Your head on her chest, listening to how fast her heart beats . When a thought comes to your mind. "I know how I can really get her heart racing." Once you catch your breath, you reattach your lips to hers, bringing your hand from behind her back to land on her chest just above her breast.

When your lips finally meet hers, you move your hand more towards her breast, aiming for her nipple, when her hand grabs your wrist.

She doesn't grab hard, or tightly, just enough to stop your movements. You look up, to see her staring back at you. Determination in her eyes. "No, baby. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you. For you. I don't need you to show me how much you love me. You already have. You allowed me to make love to you, even after everything. So, please. Let me just have this. Let me just make this night about you, please. Let me just hold you. Let me just give you what little comfort, safety, protection I still can. Just let me cherish you. Please?

You concede. Bringing your head back down to rest on her chest. Just because you want to hear beat, because you don't know if you will ever hear it again.

While your other hand is still under her, the hand that is not, you bring up to rest just on top of her clavicle. Fingers just shy of wrapping around her should and thumb just under her clavicle where you rub gentle circles.

Her hand comes up to thread through your hair, playing with it. Giving the right amount of pressure you love so much. Her other arm comes up to wrap around you in a protective grip.

You soon feel her hand in your hair come to a stop and hear her breathing even out. Telling you that she has fallen asleep.

Before you let your mind shut off and fall into a deep slumber, a thought comes to your mind. "You wonder how your heart still loves this woman. She has hurt you, badly. Yet you still trust her, feel protected and safe with her. Its not something you have to think about. You know the answer. She is your true love. The light in the deepest part of your darkness. The one who would give anything, do anything for you. Just to see a smile on your face. The one to scare away demons that still haunt you. The to chase away the once dark queen. A real true, true love. True love is not always perfect, or work out they you planned, but damned worth fighting through hell to keep. And you plan to fight the devil yourself to keep yours."

As you listen to her heart beat as you succumb to sleep, you wonder. You wonder that maybe her heart isn't as damaged, as cracked, as ruined as she perceives it to be.

And your heart beats. It beats because maybe, just maybe, its not as broken as you believe.


	4. How Do You Bow, When Your Heart Is Telling You To Kneel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma's Point Of View.

**How do you bow, when your heart is telling you to kneel?**

 

 

_"Forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something that can just be given, it needs to be earned. You can't just say 'I'm sorry,' and expect to have a clean slate."_

Those are the words that come to my mind as I wake up. Those words that ring in my head everyday, since she spoke them to me a month ago. Those words that never give me rest since that night. Those words that speak the ultimate truth. As much as I wish to will her to give me forgiveness, it won't happen. I have to truly earn it. I have to prove I deserve it.

I remember that night. Everyday, like a photograph. Always there, frozen in time, but never changing. Because as you know, a picture is worth a thousand words. But, unfortunately if my memory was to be a picture, it would have more unspoken words than voiced.

We made love that night.  _I_  made love to her that night. I know she wanted to do the same. Make love to me. To show me she still loved me. I didn't want her to. I didn't feel like I deserved her love. I still don't.

Even now, I still don't understand how she could still love me. If I was in her position, and the scene reversed, I would have left. I would have left without another thought. I wouldn't have given her the second chance she gave me.

That is the difference between us. She may have been the Dark Queen, but she is more willing to give forgiveness. Especially to me and Henry. She is more willing to look past someones faults and wrongs and bad decisions to the person on the inside. That is what she did with me. She saw past my fear, my insecurities, my ultimate defaults to the person inside.

Yet, I would not have given her the same. So who is really the Dark Queen and who is really the Savior? I sure as hell am not the Savior. How can I be? I mean, yeah, I eventually would have come around. But after how long? Days? Months? Dare I say it, years? This is the unfortunate sad, real truth, and we both know it.

But the question is why? Why is she more willing to forgive than I? I know why. I am a runner, but its not just that, I have hardened my heart far more than she has. It seems crazy, I know. It even sounds weird in my head, but its the truth.

She has been through just as much pain, deceit, and abuse, if not more than I have, but we both view the world, life differently. She views this life as a second chance. A chance to be happy, to have love, to have family. A chance to finally let herself be someone she was never allowed the opportunity. Even though most of the time she only shows this person to us. Me and Henry.

I view the world, this life as dark, hateful. Unwilling to see the good in anyone. As much as I try. I just see the dark side of a person. Except her. All I saw was the good. The good hidden beneath the darkness. Like a pair of beautiful dark eyes in the deep dark of night. Shining through like a lightning bolt, strong, powerful, bright, but afraid to let them shine.

I am definitely no savior. How can I be? All I see is the darkness in a person. Sure, I was destined to be the savior. Sure, I am the supposed embodiment of light. But I am still a person. Savior or not. I am only human. Except that night. That night, I became something else. Something, someone I never want to be again. That night when she allowed me to stay...

_**Flashback** _

_I woke up that night to the extra weight gone. I felt cold, empty, alone. Then I heard it. Quiet sniffles. Trying to hide themselves in the darkest spots of the room. Trying to be silent, invisible._

_As hard as they tried, they couldn't hide. Not from me._

_I followed the sound. It wasn't hard to figure out where the sound was coming from. Looking over to my left, I see her. This beautiful, amazing, wonderful woman, knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around herself, and head tucked in between. Hiding._

_It broke my heart. Because I was the cause to this. To her pain. Her fear. Her sadness. I, the one person she should always be able to depend on for comfort, strength, protection. Instead had her broken, vulnerable, and weak._

_I maneuvered myself so that I was kneeling in front of her._

_When I leaned closer I noticed that she had, at some point, put her pajamas on. I snapped my fingers and had on my night wear. Tank top and sweats. Trying to be decent. To be respectful for her._

_I reached out to touch her hand, and it happened. Something I never wanted to see her do, around me, ever. she flinched._

_Her head flew up and for a brief few seconds I saw fear in her eyes. I choked back a sob and held my tears._

_I couldn't let her see me cry. This was not about me. This was about her._

_I brought my hand back to my lap and laced it with the other. And waited._

_I don't know how long we sat like that. Unwilling to move, to make eye contact, to voice thoughts loud enough for the town to hear._

_"I shouldn't have flinched." My head shot up so fast, I thought that I might have pulled a muscle. Wondering if I actually heard her say something or if my imagination had finally lost control._

_"What?" Was my only reply._

_"I'm sorry I flinched from you, I shouldn't..."_

_"God no, Regina." I went to wrap my arms around her. Give comfort, but thought better of it. "Please, please don't apologize. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Me...I should be the one to apologize. I do apologize. I am so, so sorry Regina._

_I love you so much. When I woke up tonight and noticed you were no longer laying on top of me or even curled up next me. I panicked. I panicked because I thought you had come to your senses and realized that I wasn't worth a second chance. I believed that reality finally hit you and you decided to leave. I mean, who could blame you? After everything I did._

_When I chanced a look over and saw you sitting there, I was filled with relief and happiness._

_But how could I be happy when the woman I love more than my own life, more than the feel of my own heart beat, more than my own soul residing in my body, was crying._

_Crying from the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the sadness. I never wanted to elicit those feelings in you. I wanted to be the cause of your happiness, your joy, your smiles, your laughs._

_I am so, so sorry, Regina. If you are willing to give me another chance, I promise not to misuse it. I promise to be the person you need, the person who deserves you. the person who will love you everyday in every way. I know I have made this promise before and broke it. I don't want to do that this time. I want to prove to you that I can keep my word. That I can be who and what you need. I want to be your protector, your safe haven, I want to be your strength when you feel weak._

_I know I have hurt you badly. I have messed up more than royally. I also know that no matter how much I wish to rewind time, I can't. Even if I could with magic, I would pay a higher price than what I am to pay now. I meant what I said, if tonight was to be our last night together, I want to cherish it, hold on to it, remember every single detail._

_As for my price, I will love you til my last breath, but a price is still a price. I know this. I will pay it. No matter what you decide, I will love you. I will never stop loving you, even if I have to do it from a far. If you feel its best to end this, I will leave, no fight. I will be gone, but I ask that you still allow me to be apart of our child's life as I am of Henry's. If by some miracle, you would want me and allow me to fix what I broke, I will do everything in my power to be the person who is deserving of you and our child. This I vow. I love you Regina, and I wish with everything not to lose you."_

_It took everything in me to not let my voice shake, to not let my desperate tears fall. I couldn't, I had to be strong. She has to make this decision without my added emotions. I already laid out my heart, my words, my soul. I didn't want to make this any harder for her than it already was._

_As I sat there, waiting, hoping, I took the chance to fully look up on her features, her face, her eyes. What I saw scared me. I knew my time was up. Her face was still, as if frozen. Eye almost dull and lifeless, face void of emotion. I was to busy focused on my words, my thoughts, my will to not cry. I had got my answer._

_"Regina, I am going to go sleep in the guest room tonight, and tomorrow I will pack my things and be gone. I do not wish to cause you anymore pain. Good bye, Regina, I will always, truly love you."_

_Now I will love you from a far. This is my price and I must pay destiny with my fate._

_I waited a few more seconds just to soak her in. I wanted to kiss her, even if just on the forehead, I wanted to, but I didn't. That time is over. It was time. I took a deep, long breathe to gather all my strength. Strength to walk away, to not cry. All I had time do was plant my foot firmly on the floor before she spoke._

_"Emma, I may be hurt and in pain, but the last thing I wish is for you to be gone from me. Not because you are my true love or that you may be my last chance at true happiness, but because you are Emma Swan._

_The woman who broke through my defense, the woman who made me feel beautiful, the woman who gave me strength, the woman who can give me the most safety, the woman who can give me complete comfort, even if you are the one to hurt me. But the thing is exactly that Emma. You broke down my defenses. You healed the cracks in my heart. You, Emma, You. Yes, you are my true love, but that fact was unknown when you saved me from myself._

_How can I ignore that? How can I ignore the woman who fought for me? I can't. I won't. I love you, Emma. I don't want to lose you either. The truth is, I believed I forgave you right away. I know what it is like to become someone you no longer recognize. I know how a drop of fear in a lake of insecurity can turn into an ocean of anger._

_But, Emma, I still need you to know that even though I have forgiven you, its not fully. See, forgiveness is not something that is just given. It is something that has to be earned. You can't just say 'I'm sorry' and expect to have a clean slate. Trust me, I know. I have worked very hard to earn forgiveness from the people I hurt._

_So, even though a lot has transpired tonight, I don't think enough has been spoken. I think we still have a lot to talk about. I, for one have no where to be, and as far as I know, neither do you. So, lets talk."_

_I sat there, part shocked and part elated. This amazing, beautiful, surprising woman still wants me. She also forgave me. She said not fully, but I can understand. This is not something that I can just bury under the 'Emma has problems, don't blame her,' tree. The one were every leaf has an excuse on it._

_No. No more excuses. I can't pick a leaf this time and hope for the best. I grew this tree, now I have to cut it down. I have to do right by her, by our unborn child, by our son. I may not be the savior they believe me to be, but I will be the woman, mother, girlfriend they deserve from me. I love them more than anything, and I will fight for them, with everything I am. Everything I have. Everything I can. I will fight to prove I can be deserving of them._

_I wanted the silent words in my head to become spoken sound. No matter how hard I tried, nothing came out. Just silence. I really hated myself right now. The one time I really needed my voice, it failed me._

_I went to the next best thing. My eyes. Hoping that they could convey all my thoughts. I had to try something. Anything._

_Allowing my eyes to completely focus on her was probably not the best choice. Once I finally let the shock from her words dissipate, I was able to fully look upon her. She was extremely beautiful. My mind went blank._

_The room was completely dark, except for that small sliver of light from the falling moon. Hitting her just right and illuminating her features. God, I was breathless and she was perfect._

_It was like a painting come to life. Her lifeless stairs and emotionless face, slowly started to dissolve. It was beautiful, to watch her features, her eyes come back to life. She even smiled a little. I knew she was right. We had to talk, I maneuvered myself so I was sitting indian style in front of her. I wanted to see all the emotions cross her face as she talked. I just wanted to see her. And so, we talked._

Thats what we did. We talked. Oh, how we talked. Through the rest of the night til the sun came up. It felt like years, when really it was just a few hours.

All the things I learned about her. Her life. Her childhood. Her parents. Things I told her I have never told anyone. My life. My childhood.

After that night we made a decision together that I would sleep in the guest room for a while. To give ourselves some space. It only worked for about a week. Seeing as neither of us could sleep without the other.

I also started taking her out on dates where we talked more. Of all the time we have been together, I have never once taken her on a real date. How low of me? Never. Not once. How could I do that? She deserved to be courted. To be wooed. To be treated like a lady, a Queen. Again. I was just someone that took what I wanted from her. God. How does she even still love me?

The last thing we decided on was no love making for a while. It sucks, but was completely necessary. There is still talking we have to do. Forgiveness is still up in the air. Our future has still yet to be decided. The last thing is to add love making into an already complicated situation.

Taking a deep breath, trying to clear my head and store my thoughts away for later. Deciding that I need to know what time it was and how much time I have before work. I let my head slowly roll to the left and catch the time. Clear as day in big red numbers it read 9:30. Well not as bad as I thought. Either way, I am just glad that I don't have to be at work til 11. My one and only late day. Normally I will either wake up about 10 minutes before my shift or Regina wakes me up.

Lately I have been waking myself up. As much as we want to spend time together, we want to spend just that much more apart.

I have really messed things up big time. I am doing my best to fix them.

I did much more than just re-crack Regina's heart, I destroyed it and left it in tiny little pieces. Pieces that one day at a time, I am putting back together, at least, I hope.

I know I need to get up and at least take a shower, but something is pulling, compelling me. So instead I make my way downstairs. Walking towards the kitchen, because of something I can not explain, I just know she is in there. Just before I cross the threshold, I take a deep inhale of breathe to give myself a false safety of steeling my nerves.

Big mistake.

As the air hits my nose, there is an amazing, undeniable aroma that accompanies it.

The aroma glides through my nose, making contact, letting itself known in the canals of my nostrils, sending my smell and taste sensories into overload. Like steam from an ocean. Flowing up into the air, getting absorbed by an unsuspecting cloud.

As much as I want to permit the groan that is fighting for its sound to escape my mouth, the sight in front of my is much more important. A sight I do not wish to ruin with the betrayal of my vocal cords.

A figure standing at the sink, staring out the window. Taking in the scenery of her backyard. Her beloved apple tree. A figure that can in no way be mistaken for anyone but Regina Mills.

Regina Mills in a moment of complete thought is a beautiful and frightening sight to see. On the outside she looks relaxed, so serene. Sometimes a smile will graze her lips, a sculpted eyebrow will raise, or a slight turn of the head, as if confused or in understanding. But inside, inside its unpredictable. Her thoughts could be racing, turbulent. Like that of a storm charged with only lighting. unpredictable, ready to strike at any moment. Or her thoughts could be peaceful, slow. Like a soft breeze on a beautiful day.

I am not ready to lose this. This moment in time. The soft, peaceful, relaxed sight of her. Yet, I want to touch her, hold her. After a few seconds of contemplating, I choose on the latter. Slowly making my way over, walking around the island to stand right behind her. Leaving just enough space for a hair to fall through. I allow my arms to raise, with deliberate, yet slow, easy movements.

When my arms reach her waistline, hovering just centimeters away, I stop. Afraid to wrap my arms around her, yet somehow finding the strength to do so, I embrace her, pulling her close.

That nagging fear that has always been there, residing, making homage in the back of my head, forcing it way into my insecure emotions, thoughts, since that night, when she flinched away from me, afraid of my touch. Oh, how those thoughts came rushing forward like a road raged driver. The fear that she will never again feel safe or comforted by my touch or in my arms.

Only then did my fears become reality when my arms met her waist, did she flinch.

I forced the tears back into the green oceans that were roaring to spill over behind my eyes.

I knew nothing would ever be the same again. I had messed up everything. So, slowly removing my hands from her waist, just to relish in the feel of her in my arms for a little bit longer, she did something I did not expect.

Strong, yet soft hands found their way to mine, holding them in place. Pulling tighter around her as she leaned into me, resting her head just below my chin.

I couldn't help but lightly squeeze, then relax. All those fears that arrived moments prior, just melted away when she touched me.

Silence enveloped us, but not an awkward silence, a comfortable one. One I thought we would never get back.

"I wasn't flinching away from you."

Those words. Those few words brought a smile to my face.

"I did not expect you to be up just yet. I know today is your late day of the week, but I also know you have been getting up early all on your own, which is surprising, but a good surprise.

I don't know if I was just that deep in thought that I did not hear your metal thumping feet or if you somehow managed to be quite."

I couldn't help it, I snorted, "metal thumping feet, really?"

I couldn't see it, but I could feel, hear the smile in her voice. "Yes, metal thumping feet. Honestly, you are very loud when you come down those stairs. Not just the stairs, your metal feet could be heard anywhere. Seriously, what are feet your made of? Because they certainly are not bone and flesh."

I could not help but laugh. She's right. I am a loud walker. Can't help it.

Turning in my arms to face me, her hands in a light fist, gripping my shirt between thumb and finger, she spoke. "Since I did not hear you coming down the stairs, I jumped when you touched me, I was not flinching. I felt a presence, more specifically, your presence, but I thought I was imaging things. So I ignored it."

I was a little upset at her words. That we have distanced ourselves so far from each other, that she thought my own presence was an imagination. I have to fix this. I will fix this.

For now, I enjoyed the feel of her in my arms, I could not help but let my fingers play with her shirt. Loving the feel of her skin just a fabrics distance from my fingertips. Missing the feel of her skin and wanting to desperately touch, but knowing she would give me a tongue lashing for messing up her attire, I just relished in the feel of what I could under my fingers.

"You see, I was on my down here, thinking I might get the drop on you, but as I got to the kitchen I saw something beautiful."

Dipping her head and hiding her shy smile, only to lift her head and allowing me the pleasure of seeing it, I continued.

"So I walked around the island to get a closer look, but someone was in my way. Naturally I had to move you to get a closer look."

Not even trying to hide the playful grin from my face, or the laugh that easily fell from my lips.

Never once tearing my eyes from her face, I felt her girp release from my shirt, bringing hands up to lightly hit me on my chest, giving me a good shove. Strong enough to almost, almost make me lose my grip on her. Not a chance.

When the smile on her face changed to a wicked smirk, I swallowed. Uh-Oh, I am in trouble.

Fisting her hands in my shirt, giving a tug, silently telling me to come closer, I leaned in.

Not knowing what to expect, but when her lips touched mine, I was momentarily shocked.

Realizing my mistake when she started to pull away, I reacted. Threading one hand through her hair and one around her back, holding her in place. Moving my lips against hers.

To caught up in the kiss. A kiss we had not shared like this in a long time. A kiss of passion, of need, want, but most of all, love.

We have kissed since that night. Not like this.. There was more love, more passion, even just a little trust. God, how I missed these kisses.

I had not realized that she moved her hands until I felt them running up my back, under my shirt, stopping when they reached my shoulders. Only then did I realized I was in real trouble. Lightly digging her nails in my back and slowly running them down.

The shiver that ran up my spine, I swear wracked my whole body. Not to mention the moan that tore up my throat and into her mouth. She only smirked and pulled away.

"Re-gin-aaaa." I whined. I whined like a child. I didn't care. She knows what that does to me, especially with no love making for a month.

Walking over to grab her cup of coffee from the counter, she turned and smiled at me. "We agreed on no love making, we never said teasing was forbidden."

Slouching my body, letting my arms hang low, I walked over to her, resting my head in the crook of her neck. "Not fair. So, so not fair."

Putting her cup down, I felt her shoulder move under my head and her hands grab my face, lifting me up to look at her. A soft, beautiful smile graced her lips.  _Gods, she is so gorgeous._

Speaking softly, "I know, your right. It wasn't fair or nice. I'm sorry."

"You don't sound sorry."

"I'm really not."

Ooh, how I want to wipe that smug look off her face. So I did. I kissed her. Letting my tongue swipe her lower lip asking for permission. She whimpered, allowing me access.

Her lips barley parted, when my tongue took a life of its own, and slithered into her mouth. Tasting all of her. Every inch. I smiled wickedly when she let a moan slip past her lips into my mouth. Choosing, at that moment, with extreme strength to break away.

Walking away, but not before I caught the shocked look on her face, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly, and throwing a 'sorry' her way. Grabbing a plate from the cabinet, turning around, I could not stop the teary eyed, belly tightening laugh.

She looked just like a petulant child. A stern face, but pouty lips with her arms crossed.  _Ha, two can play this game._

With my laughter subsided. Simply ignoring her, I walked over and started putting food on my plate, moving to sit at the counter, just so I could look at her while I ate.

"I love you."

Her body seemed to relax with those words. Coming over to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my midsection. Resting her chin on my shoulder. "I love you too." Turning her head, she placed a simple, sweet kiss on my neck.

I hummed in appreciation. Enjoying the feel of her arms around me. The peaceful, comforting moment in time.

Not wanting to ruin this moment, but needing to ask. "Do you know what time you will be getting off work?"

Releasing her grip on me, missing the warmth immediately. She moved to sit next to me. "No. Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. No reason."

"Emma."

"Ok, Fine. I was going to surprise you with dinner. I just thought, that, well, after everything that has been going on, it would be nice. I was going to see if my parents could take Henry for the night and we just be by ourselves. I just wanted to do something special for you. To show you that I am trying, that I love you. I know it wouldn't be much, but..."

Putting a finger to my lips, silencing me. "I would love that Emma, very much. I won't be off until 7. I know it will be late, and I probably won't be home til about 7:15, but I would love to have dinner with you."

How is it this woman, after everything, can still be this understanding towards me. I just fall in love with her more and more each day.

"Ok."

"What are you making?"

Smiling, I shook my head. "Nope, that is most definitely a surprise. But its something I hope you will love."

"Not even a hint?"

"Nope."

"I don't know if I want to eat something I have never had before, especially if you are cooking." Smiling that sly, sneaky smile, trying to get her way.

Raising my hand to lay on her shoulder, giving it a little shove. "Oh, shut up. I know what you are doing. You will never get me to tell."

She smiled, not just any smile. Oh, shit. I know that smile. Fuck. Why didn't I choose my words wisely. Fuck. I had to use challenging words. Before I could rectify my words, her hand was on my thigh, squeezing.

"Never you say. Are you sure there isn't anything I could do that would help ease those words from your lips."

Fuck. I am in deep shit now. One month. One fucking month of no love making, nothing. She is playing her cards. Very will I might add.

My hands gripped the counter, as hers moved higher and higher up my thigh.

Fighting with every fiber in my body against her carefully calculated ministrations. To afraid to move my hands to remove hers for fear that I will push them closer to where I need them instead of stopping her.

With all the will in my body, I bring it forth to keep my voice from sounding needy, wanting. "No. Not at this moment. Nothing I can think of."  _Fail. I totally sounded needy._

"Very well. If you say so." Removing her hands from the apex of my thigh, but not before her fingers brushed my center.

"Fuck."

She smiled devilishly. "Oh, look at the time. I need to leave before I am late."

It wasn't until she moved from her seat, that I felt my body relax from the high she gave me.

Still caught up in the sensation running through my body, I hadn't realized that at some point she pulled me to my feet. It was her voice that brought me back.

"Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry if I...

Cutting her off with a kiss, to let her know everything was ok. We are ok.

"I'm good."

She dipped her head, as if ashamed, guilty. Lifting my hand up so my fingers could grip her chin, tugging slightly. Letting her know I wanted her attention. Eventually looking at me, I continued.

"Really. I promise. I am good. Great even." When she didn't believe me, I pulled her into a tight embrace, whispering in her ear.

"I am glad that we can get back to this. The playful teasing, the loving embraces, the comfort of each others company. I missed this. I am glad that you are feeling comfortable enough around me again, to do this, to interact with me this way."

Pulling away, putting both of her hands on each cheek. She smiled, "Me too. But I really have to leave or I am going to be late."

Giving her one last tight squeeze before releasing her. Not wanting her to go, but knowing she has to.

I watched as she went to grab her purse, keys, and phone from the counter, only for her stop her movements half way.

I am pretty sure I panicked in that moment. Knowing full well that there is a turbulent storm brewing in her head. I wanted to reach out, touch her, hold her, pull her close, but glued to my spot.

I felt my heart thud louder and louder in my chest as she turned around, items in hand . My heart nearly stopped when she fully turned, a huge smile on her face.

Walking closer and closer til, I swear we are chest to almost chest. Seeing as she is shorter than me, even in heels.

"I am glad that we could get back to this, too. I have missed you, missed us. I am sorry if I scared you. I just really don't want to go to work. This is the first time in a month since we have truly felt comfortable with each other. I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you. I love you Emma Swan."

I just stood there, going through the emotions that were wrecking havoc on me. Trying to decipher through all of them. Panic, fear, near death, arousal, comfort, joy, clingy, happiness, but most of all love.

The last. That last emotion that swept through me was need. The teasing, closeness, soft touches, a month of nothing, passionate, yet loving kisses. Her telling me she loved me, with her confession of wanting to stay with me. Something inside just snapped.

I lunged forward, hands landing on cheeks, pulling close, attaching lips to hers. Pouring all my love, all my need, all my passion into that kiss. Conveying all the unspoken words to the best of my ability.

Pushing, urging her back, til back met counter. It was like everything took a life of their own. One hand wormed its way into her hair, while the other held tight to her back.

My tongue slowly swiped her lower lip, asking, begging for permission, only as soon as I got it, my tongue took a different direction. Leaving her lips, gliding across her cheek, down her neck. Stopping once it felt her pulse point. Retreating back into my mouth, lips replace tongue, sucking lightly.

I felt the muscles in her neck strain as she turned her head, allowing me better access. Her pulse pounding harder around my lips and under my tongue. Her hands finding my back and digging her nails in.

Pulling skin further, harder into my mouth, teeth anchoring, bitting, holding desired flesh.

Hands roaming, moans falling, engulfing us.

Caught up in the feel of her in my arms, and tasty, delectable skin in my mouth, that it took me a minute to register her words.

Her hands came between us, sliding up, gripping my shoulders, pushing. "Emma, Emma, stop. Please Stop."

Grabbing every ounce of strength and will, pulling away. The sight I saw when I did only fed into my high. I wanted to dive back in. Make love to her right here.

Her eyes were dark, glowing, like an ember in a fire. Burning, grabbing and holding your gaze at the beauty of it. Hair disheaved. Lipstick smeared.

Her words came back to me, bringing me down. I felt guilty, ashamed. I pushed her, yet again.

I went to move to turn away, til I felt soft hands wrapping around my wrist. Bringing me back to face her.

Hanging my head low, I couldn't look at her. To ashamed.

Delicate hands touched my chin, lightly pushing, asking, pleading for me to look up.

After a minute, I did.

All the time I have been with this wonderful woman and she still manages to surprise me.

There was a soft, sweet smile grazing her lips. Her hands reached down to grab mine. Her eyes, those eyes, beautiful, soft, transfixing eyes, kept mine glued to hers.

"I saw that look Emma. That look of guilt. There is no reason for it. Please don't feel guilty. I wanted that just as much as you did, but there is still issues we, as a couple, need to work on. Trust me, I was ready to rip your clothes off and make love to you until you passed out. I...I just want to take this slow. I love you Emma, very much. We have gotten back to this point were we are comfortable in each others company again, and I don't want to mess up our progress by just jumping into bed. I want to have dinner with you tonight, I want to talk to you, be with you. But I still need time, can you give me that? Time?"

I stood there. Stock still. Letting my brain make full understanding of her words. Some many things I wanted to say, millions of little words trying to form to make coherent sentences. Of all I wanted to say these were the only words that left my lips.

"But I forced myself on you. How can you be okay with that? How can you be okay with me? You should have thrown me out that night, and never looked back."

The tears that I fought so hard to stay in oceans finally over flowed and slid down my cheeks.

"I just... I just love you so much. I don't, can't lose you. All I keep doing is messing up. I just feel like I am trying so hard, but the harder I try the more it blows up in my face. You deserve someone better. Someone who will cherish you, love you, worship you. I am not that person. Not anymore."

Taking a deep, long, slow breathe to gather the courage I needed, to say these words. "Regina, I love you, and could not imagine spending my life with anyone else but you, but..."

Her body went scary still. Soft hands, turned hard. Squeezing til mine nearly shattered.

I knew better than try to pull her close. To comfort her in this mind set. My only option, speak softly.

"Regina."

Yanking her hands from mine, voice cold, angry, hurt. "No, don't you dare 'Regina,' me.

I was momentarily stunned.  _Why was she so angry? What happened?_ Watching as she grabbed her things off the floor and headed for the door. It was when I saw her hand reach the door handle that my mind seemed to catch up.

Running towards her, stopping at the top step in the foyer. "Regina, wait, please. Let me explain.

Turning to face me with death in her eyes. "There is nothing to explain. If you want to leave. Go ahead. Its what you do best anyways. I will raise this child and Henry on my own. I have done a fine job before you came along, and I will just as fine if not better when you are gone."

Her words cut deep. I was a runner, she knew this, but I also thought she knew that I was done. Done running. I had found my home. I am in for the long drive. Sure there will be potholes, construction, but nothing we can't find another way around to get to our intended destination.

I didn't understand. What this anger was about? Where it was coming from?

I ran through everything that had transpired. From our actions to our words. Over and over. Just as I was about to ask what had upset her, I finally understood.  _"She thought that I..."_

"Regina, no. Wait. Please. You don't under..."

Oh, but I do. I understand perfectly. You wish to break up with me. If that is what you want. Fine. Like I said, leave. Go. Now if you will excuse me, I am running late for work, and this conversation is over."

Turning from me, to the door, hand on the handle, turning. My heart beat so fast that it broke. Tiny pieces scattered through my body. Working up to the oceans that held the tears behind my eyes. Threating to spill over like moon light hidden behind a dark cloud.

"Regina, please wait. Please, don't leave. Let me explain. Please. I'm pleading, begging you to stay and just let me explain. I...

With all the will left in me, pleading with my own body, to keep my eyes open. No matter how hard I wished it, my eyes closed. What shred of heart I had, could not watch her leave.

Hearing the door open, I turned. My fists opening and closing. hoping, with all hope, praying, I could keep my emotions, feeling, together, until she left.

Every muscle, every fiber, every tendon, ligament, strained with tightness.

That was the sound that killed me. That completely destroyed what last shred, piece of my heart was left. She closed the door. Leaving me.

I couldn't feel. I couldn't move. I was numb and burning with pain at the same time.

It just seemed that the more numb my body got, the higher my pain intensified.

Higher and higher, reaching, hitting way past my pain tolerance.

Just as I was to pass out, it left just as quickly as it came.

All the strength in my body, muscles keeping me up right, failed. I felt myself fall, hard, fast.

There were hands on my stomach, arms around my midsection, chin on my shoulder, and voice in my ear.

"Emma, love. Tell me. What have I not understood."

"It doesn't matter."

"Why not, Emma."

"Because you are not real. I fell and hit me head. This is all an illusion from my subconsciousness. If I was to turn around, you would disappear. You are not real, and I would be alone, in the darkness."

I could feel her hands moving around my waist, making her way to stand in front of me. I closed my eyes. I couldn't look. She is not real.

I felt her hands glide up from my waist, past my chest, across my neck, under my chin, cupping my cheeks. Her thumbs caressing just under my eye. Asking for me to open them.

"Emma, Love. I'm real. I am not an illusion concocted from your imaginary concussion. You never fell. I caught you. I'm real."

I didn't want to look. I knew as soon as I did, she would disappear, like an unknown familiar face in a fading memory. My eyes refused to listen. Refused to stay closed. Slowly, very slowly, they opened.

The first thing my eyes attached to when they opened were soft, beautiful, dark amber ones. Looking at me with so much understanding, worry and love.

I couldn't stop the sharp intake of breathe, or how my hands flew up to touch her face. As much as I wished to trust my eyes, my mind still believed her to be imaginary.

The second my hands touched her face, I felt indescribable relief wash over me. She was real. She was here. She didn't leave me.

"You didn't leave."

"No. I didn't leave."

How she even heard me through tears and aggressive sobs. Either way I was grateful. I was grateful that it was her hands wiping away my tears. I was gratefull that it was her voice calming me. I was grateful that she stayed.

"Emma, love. Will you tell me now? Tell me what I have miss interrupted."

Letting my hands fall from her face and brining my left one up to lay over her right one. Leaning into her comforting touch and letting my eyes close slowly at her soft words. Relishing in her. Letting her presence surround me before I spoke.

"I was never going to break up with you, or leave you. You are my home. My family. My life.

I can give you all the time in the world that you need, Regina. I love you so much that, honestly, my heart should be in pieces, because I swear it has burst more than once from all the love I have for you.

I never should have given you a self-loathing answer. It wasn't right and I am sorry. I was just so caught up with what I had done. How I had crossed a line that we together created. I know it has been a month, but that doesn't excuse me or my actions.

I will never get over how you still love and want me. I don't think I will ever understand how you do it. Sometimes I don't even want to. I just want to go with it and pray that I never have to count my blessings.

I know I make mistakes, but what I did that night wasn't just a mistake, it was choice. A wrong, terrible choice that I can never take back.

Yes, it was a choice I made out of fear and anger, but that still doesn't condone my actions."

Taking a deep breathe, letting my eyes open, I gently grab her hand and put it over my heart, laying both mine on top of hers.

"I vow here and now Regina, to love and cherish you. To never let you go. To never leave you. To always be what you need. To be what you deserve. To be only yours forever."

Taking my right hand off ours combined, I bring it up to wrap around her neck and pull her close.

Leaning in so our lips are a daybreaks seconds away from touching, letting her make the final choice.

When her lips connected to mine, I moved my right hand down to the middle of her back, pulling her even closer with our hands still connected, covering my heart. I felt her left hand move from my cheek and settled on the middle of my back.

I kissed her deeply, passionately. Letting the truth of my words come out of me in that sweet kiss.

It was like we let ourselves get lost in that kiss. Like the world around us dissipated. Like all our problems just melted away.

The feel of her body pressed to mine. The feel of her lips moving against mine. The feel of her hand protecting my heart. The feel of her skin under my hand.

_Wait. Her skin?_

Opening my eyes, I slowly pull away to see her body held tightly between the wall and my own body. Her arms, hands held above her head, by my hand wrapped around her wrists. Pulling her taught. My other hand at some point had removed her shirt from her slacks and slid up her back. But the sight that really had my knees shaking was her kiss swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and heavy breathing.

_So beautiful._

I must have made my thoughts vocal, for the next thing I saw was her eyes open.

I am almost positive that my knees buckled and that if I wasn't holding onto her so tight, I would I have fallen flat on my ass.

Her eyes were so dark, they were black, filled with lust, want, and need.

"Emma." Her voice was low, husky, vocal sex.

"Regina." I moaned her name.

Her lips turned up in a predatory smile, the next thing I felt was her thigh slip between my legs, making delicious contact with my center.

"Fuck." Slipped out of my mouth, hitting hers. She breathed the word in, letting it melt in her mouth and sending it out as a solid hum accompanied by a self-satisfying smirk.

I don't know how she did it, but Regina Mills is a woman of surprises and managed to increase the pressure on my center from her position.  _Always the topper._

The sheer intensity of the pleasure she was causing to course through my body, was more than I could handle. More than my body could take.

I let my body succumb to the pleasure, the high, as I rested my head atop her right shoulder.

Possibly the worst mistake to make at that moment.

I felt her turn her head, and then a hot, wet tongue gliding from just under my ear down to my shoulder and back up.

My heart was beating faster and faster, her tongue was moving slower and slower, stopping at my pulse point.

Sharp pleasurable pain shot through my whole body as her teeth sunk in. At that moment all I knew was her and the pleasure she was giving me.

Her teeth scraped across my skin as they released taught flesh, a soft tongue to sooth the imprints, lips sucking hard, knowing full well that it will leave a 'I own you' mark.

I moaned my agreement. To be owned by Regina Mills is a thing of beauty. I want the world to know who I belong to, who owns me.

As my body got closer and closer to climax. Some where through the fog a voice rang in my head. A voice telling me that this needed to be taken slow. Her voice saying she didn't want to just jump into bed. Her voice asking for time. Her voice.

I wanted my climax. I needed my climax. But I needed her more. I didn't want her to regret her actions after everything was done. I didn't want her to regret our hormone induced session of fucking each other against a wall to mess up our progress.

Knowing full well that no matter how much I wanted this to continue. It needed to stop. It need to stop right now.

Releasing my hands from her body. I pulled away and stepped back.

I looked up to gage her reaction and my eyes immediately connected to hers.

Her eyes were intense, dark, hooded, shooting liquid heat straight to my core, making me want more. But I knew, I knew I had to hold my ground and stay firmly glued to my spot, even though every muscle in my body was pleading to be touched by her, to be near her.

A raging battle in my head and body. One telling me to stay where I stood, the other twitching to move near her.

Her voice brought me out of my thoughts, conflict.

"Emma."

"Regina."

It was like we were in a trans. Caught in each others stares.

The intense gaze was gone, replace by a soft, unknowing, almost defeated, sad look.

"Regina."

I walked back towards her. Cupping her cheeks with my hands.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. That was not my intentional goal. Its just...Shit. I was seconds from throwing you over my shoulder, taking you upstairs, throwing you on the bed, ripping your clothes off and fucking you til you just couldn't take anymore, or until you passed or something and starting all over again, til your body was just complete mush.

We talked about taking things slow. I don't want to rush it. To rush you. I know things got really heated just a few moments ago. Somewhere in the middle the fog lifted. The fog lifted because I heard your voice in my head. I didn't want this to turn in to a regrettable moment, something that would put us two steps back instead of forward.

I wanted to honor your request. You want to take things slow and take the time you need. I want to give you that. This was not giving you what you needed. This was taking, even if both parties were involved. You deserve better, and I want to be better.

So If you wish to be mad at me, that is fine. I will take your anger any day over a possible regrettable decision.

I love you baby, I want to do right by you."

I watched as tears formed in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. My thumbs soothing each one away with every swipe.

"Baby, please don't cry. I didn't want to upset you, I'm sor..."

My words were cut off by her lips. Kissing me with so much love, so much passion, so much trust. I nearly cried myself.

Her hands reached around my back the same time her lips left mine. Laying her head in the crook of my neck as she cried.

"I'm not upset. You Emma Swan always seem to know just what to say and do. You always know how to save me from myself. You always know how to pull me back. I wanted it, I wanted you so badly that I didn't think of the consensuses of our actions. You, you did. I wanted time, I needed slowness. You, Emma, gave back to me what I almost destroyed myself. All of our progress we made, nearly destroyed by hormones, and selfish desires.

I love you, Emma Swan."

My arms came up, engulfing her in a tight embrace. Holding so tight that, it feels like the life is getting squeezed out. Only to relent just enough, so there is room to just breathe.

"I love you too, baby. I will aways do my best to save you, no matter the cost. Losing you, would be like losing ever butterfly in the world. They may not alway be so pretty when they start out, but they always bring a smile to your face and a warm glow to your body when ever you see one.

You, Regina Mills are my warm glow. Every time I see you, I alight with smiles that are never ending. You, Regina Mills are my butterfly.

You? Selfish desires? You are the least selfish person I know. Don't scoff. You would give up anything and everything to save Henry, this baby, me, and anyone in this town. You won't admit it, but I know you. You would.

Don't you even dare bring up cursing an entire realm as selfish. That was anger and pain and you know it.

You are not the Dark Queen anymore. Is she still apart of you? Yes, she always will be. But that is the most attractive quality about you. Both light and dark.

As for hormones, you are pregnant Regina. Hormones comes with pregnancy. They will have you up and down, and firing all over the place.

I meant what I said. I want you screaming and yelling at me one minute and crying on my shoulder the next, I want to be woken up at 3 in the moring because you have a craving for Ice cream, I want to see your smiles every time you touch your belly, I want to see your face light up when the baby kicks for the first time, I want you in tears when you hear the heart beat, I want to tell you how beautiful you are and how much I love you every day, whether you believe me or not. I want it all.

Plus we both know you have always been a sex fiend.

Coming to my station to 'drop off paperwork' or 'requesting a meeting' at your office."

"Emma Swan." She scuffed. " I have no idea what you are referring to. I am a respected Mayor of this town, I will have you know. A sex fiend, please. I am more refined than that."

"Really, Madame Mayor? More Refined? So if you are not a 'sex fiend' then what do you call it?

"Its a Queens duty to make sure her princess is happy."

"So when you come to my station to 'drop off paperwork' you are just doing your duty when you push me onto my desk, ripping my pants off, thrusting three fingers knuckle deep inside me, giving me an amazing orgasm, then waiting til my eyes open to make sure I am watching when you slowly lick your fingers clean of my juices. You call that 'Queenly duties?'"

"Why, yes princess, I do. What do you call it?"

"I call it a 'knights duty to keep her Queen happy.'"

We stood there for a few minutes in comfortable silence, just holding each other. Relishing in the contact.

Until she asked, "What time is it?"

Pulling her phone from her purse, clicking the power/on button, the time popped up in big white letters.

I think her eyes nearly bulged out of head. "Its 10:30, I am late, and you have to be at work in thirty minutes.

Emma Swan, you and your antics have caused me to be late. In all the years I have ran this town I was never late. You have ruined my good name."

In her Dark Queen voice, "I shall destroy you if it is the last thing I do." Only to be followed by a sexy smirk, then a soft smile.

 _This woman is just too fucking perfect._  "Ok, your Majesty, destroy away. Oh, and running late for work will not ruin you or your good name, it just makes you human, like everyone else in this town."

"Whatever you say, Princess. But we still need to leave."

"Uh, Regina, what about your..."

With a wave of her hand, she was her perfect, immaculate self, and I was dressed in... _my sheriffs outfit._

"Regina, I am so not going to work like this, I am going upstairs...To chan...

Dammit, Regina!" I yelled to no one in my station. Of course she would poof me here.  _Such a smart ass, but my smart ass._

I just knew that she had a wicked smile on her face, and that today was going to be a good day.


End file.
